Our happiness is determined by the satisfaction of our values. A simple but profound psychological fact is that our happiness is determined by the satisfaction of our true, inner values. By values I include all biologically based needs and all learned needs or values (including metavalues).

If all our biological and psychological values are being met at a level that surpasses some internal criterion, then we will feel perfectly happy.

Tom G. Stevens’s “Choose to be Happy” self-development plan. Includes a choose to be happy check list, excerpts from chapters of the book, a relationship questionnaire, workshop information and much more. You can get a free copy of this books here.

SEEKING THE TRUTH FROM MANY PERSPECTIVES

WHO IS THIS BOOK FOR?
    It may be for you if you answer “yes” to any of the following questions:  Do you want to discover the causes of happiness and unhappiness?
 Would you like to develop greater self-esteem?
 Do you want a more positive, but realistic, view of the world?
 Would you like to learn how to achieve mental control over emotions such as  anxiety, anger, guilt, and depression?
 Do you worry too much about pleasing others or gaining others’ approval?
 Are you too dependent on others for your happiness?
 Would you like to get more internal control of your life or become more assertive?
 Are you too codependent (take too much responsibility for others)?
 Do you want to improve your ability to motivate yourself, be more successful reaching your goals, and have a greater impact on the world?
 Would you like to feel less stress and make your time more productive?
 Would you like to advance in your journey to self-actualization (be more like one of Maslow’s self-actualizing people, who were extremely happy and productive)?
 Do you want to maximize your happiness and your contribution to others’ happiness?

Free Download Complete Choose To Be Happy Books

See The Chapter Epiloque Below:-

Happiness is a measure
of the overall health, growth, and harmony of the entire body and mind.
Happiness also reflects
our perception of the harmony and functioning of the external world.
The biological happiness mechanism has
safeguards against lack of concern about other people
and lack of concern about the future.
To make happiness our ultimate concern in life
is to align our conscious ultimate concern
with the most basic human motives and universal forces.
If we all seek happiness for self and others,
humankind can evolve into a highly integrated organism
that will maximize the happiness for all.
Negative emotions tell us of these inner problems.
Yet so often we treat these negative emotions as if they were enemies–
instead of friends.
If we are to find happiness,
we must not avoid these helpful beacons of light
from our innermost selves.
Instead, we must follow our strongest emotions
to get to the source of the problems or conflicts.
Using the self-exploration/problem-solving method
can transform conflicts and confusion into inner harmony.
It is at the heart of all good psychotherapeutic approaches.
We can learn to be our own therapists
and effectively solve most problems ourselves.
Knowing that there are many routes to happiness (in any situation)
gives us peace of mind and inner power.
Then, we can choose to be happy
by picking the best internal and external routes to happiness
for that particular situation.

Where do I look for guidance I can trust?
Not from my lower pleasures and pains–they are too shortsighted.
Not from just any emotions or thoughts–
they may come from dysfunctional parts of myself.
Not from just anyone–they may not know or care what is best for me.
Then where?
I can trust the emotions and inner voice of my Higher Self, because
the Higher Self reflects true empathy and love for self and others.
Even if it makes errors, at least it values happiness and truth above all.
It is my inner hero and spiritual center.
Every time I listen to it and choose its way,
I become stronger and increase my chances for happiness.

Our internal world models color everything we perceive, think, and do.
Therefore, seeking truth, beauty, love, and creativeness
creates truthful, beautiful, loving, and creative thoughts.
These positive thoughts
will not only create a harmonious, happy internal world;
they will change the external world.

Self-esteem is like a mountain stream that begins with a small spring
and ends in a mighty river.
The small spring begins in our Higher Self with empathy
for our own and other’s feelings.
Empathy forms a basis for unconditional self-love and
unconditional love of others.
Empathy and love are constant sources of positive thoughts and feelings.

Unconditional self-worth is not dependent upon who we are,
what we do, what we have, or what anyone thinks about us.
If we have self-worth, then self-confidence is a bonus.

Self-confidence is based upon our belief that we have
the right motivation, knowledge, and skills to reach our goals.
The best kind of self-confidence is knowing that
we have the basic motivation and ability to learn in any situation.
What began as empathy and unconditional self-love
forms the basis for self-confidence in all areas of life.
That self-caring and self-confidence provides the power of a mighty river
for overcoming life’s logjams.
Many external forces try to influence our decisions–
including many people we love and respect.
Many internal forces try to influence our decisions–
including many lower and higher desires.
If we are too influenced by external forces,
we risk lack of inner satisfaction and depression.
If we are too influenced by our own self-directed desires,
we risk social consequences and guilt.
Allowing the Higher Self to balance empathetic listening
to both internal with external messages, and
to give primary responsibility for meeting desires to each individual
can resolve the internal–external control conflict.

Happiness is not caused by external conditions.
Happiness measures the harmonious functioning of our brain–
how optimally it is challenged and how much it is learning.
Overchallenge causes overarousal emotions like anxiety and anger.
Underchallenge causes underarousal emotions like
boredom and depression.
We can adjust our emotions like a thermostat
by adjusting the challenge level.
Belief in mental control seems like magic,
because that belief alone helps get control.
The six mental control strategies give you
basic tools to achieve mental control.
Learn how to CHUG-OFF
when you need to adjust your emotional thermostat.
CHOICE (Replace or convert the situation),
HARMONY (of motives through self-exploration),
UNDERSTANDING (the situation and creating a road map),
GOALS (To lower anxiety, set goals LAPDS–
lower, process, dynamic, alternative, simple),
OPTIMISM (that I can eventually be happy no matter what the outcome),
FOCUS (on the ball and ultimate concern).
Through strengthening your Higher Self and increased mental control,
YOU CAN CHOOSE TO BE HAPPY.

Clarify your values,
develop a variety of interests and routes to happiness,
reflect and plan regularly, and
spend as much time as possible in high quality activities.
If you do, you can overcome the external forces pushing you off course,
and you will become more internally controlled.
One day at a time,
you will create a better world for yourself and others.  

Free Download Complete Choose To Be Happy Books

How This Books Can Help You To Be Happy

It is about how to be happy–in any situation. What if you could be a little happier the rest of your life as a result of reading one book? Would you read it? I cannot promise that result, but I expect that reading this book will make a lasting difference in your happiness. I believe that you will learn at least a few new secrets about how to control your emotions and how to be happy–even if you are already very happy and an expert in the field.
It is about how to become more self-actualized. Dr. Abraham Maslow’s concept of self-actualization is still the best description of the healthy personality. Self-actualizing people are both extremely happy and productive. No matter what your background and personal history is, you can learn the basic beliefs and life skills it takes to be happy and more self-actualized.

Basis of my conclusions–research results, psychotherapy with several thousand clients, and my own personal experiences. My clients entered therapy with diverse problems, backgrounds, and ethnic origins. Throughout the book I refer to my own and my clients’ experiences as examples to aid you in your search for happiness and self-actualization.

Learn both internal and external routes to happiness. I emphasize internal routes to happiness–changing our thinking to get more mental control over our emotions and life. But practical actions that have powerful impact on other people, our careers, and every part of our lives are also emphasized.

After reading this book, you may never view yourself quite the same again. You can gain a deeper understanding of how your mental processes work. You can view yourself as more interesting and worthy of your love and respect than before you read it.

Changes in your “Higher Self” can have dramatic effects on your self-esteem and life. Your Higher Self is not a mysterious entity, but your inner center of love and motivational power. The Higher Self is a belief system that begins when we are infants. A developed Higher Self incorporates beliefs reflecting the wisdom of the ages. It is a conductor that brings harmony to inner conflicts. It is a fountain of personal self-integration and spontaneity.

Core beliefs and life skills make the difference between happiness and unhappiness. The first thing I did to write this book was list the key beliefs and life skills for creating a happy life and becoming like Maslow’s self-actualizing persons. My reading, clinical and personal experience, and my research with my Life Skills Questionnaire (on more than 4,000 people) helped me identify those key beliefs and life skills. They form the heart of this book.

Get mental control over harmonious functioning. Harmonious functioning is a state we can all achieve which is similar to what Maslow called “peak experience” or Csikszentmihalyi called “flow.” It is a more optimal state of being in which all of the cells in the mind and body seem to be functioning in harmony. The result is maximum learning, performance, and happiness. Understanding the causes of harmonious functioning can help you attain these natural highs.

Adjust your emotions like adjusting a thermostat. Learn the six CHUG-OF Harmonious Thinking strategies to get mental control over your emotions. When you are emotionally “too hot”–in overarousal states like anger and anxiety, you can turn down the thermostat to gain peace and calmness. When you are emotionally “too cold”–in underarousal states like boredom and depression, you can turn up the heat to get more energy and enthusiasm. Learn to spend more of your life “in the zone” of harmonious functioning.

Improve relationships–Overcome dependency, nonassertiveness, and external control.  Another important ingredient of happiness is our personal relationships–especially intimate ones. Are you dominating or being dominated? How often do you do something for another person out of “duty,” “obligation,” because you “should,” or out of guilt? How much freedom do you feel? How much closeness and intimacy? Have you achieved “independent intimacy?”

Free Download Complete Choose To Be Happy Books

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This entry was posted on Thursday, March 20th, 2008 at 7:25 pm and is filed under Happiness. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.